Screaming, screaming like some raving lunatic. But it doesn't help. Sometimes it does. That's why I scream. This time it wasn't helping at all. I could feel it digging deeper into my mind, so I screamed again. Maybe it would help. My throat was becoming raw, since it hurt less than the pain in my head, so I couldn't feel it. No I knew it was becoming raw because I could taste it. I could taste raw meat. Raw meat that was my own flesh. Flesh that was being torn from the back of my throat as I screamed. The pain that was attacking my mind stabbed again. I tried to scream again, but my body no longer let me. It knew what the screaming was doing. It knew the pain in my head wasn't real. I did not know the difference. My body did a last tactic maneuver, I passed out.
"Ahh well, I see he's had enough. Get the medics up here and have them look at his throat. He must have wrecked havoc on it with all of that screaming."
"Well, its a good thing he finally went, much more of that screaming and I would have needed to stop. My ear shall ring for a while."
"mmm, yes. He is quite the screamer. I wonder where he got the lung capacity that he has. Oh, and after you've fetched the medics, stop pass the engineers, tell them that their new toy works wonderfully. I am most impressed with it."
I'm awake. Or at least I think I'm awake. My eyes refuse to open, with a bit of convincing, slivers of light penetrate into my mind. My mind is quiet.
"Ahh, John, you're waking up. This is good. Don't try too hard, we have you quite a bit drugged up. Don't try to speak either. I'm sorry we can't do anything fancy to your throat. You did rip it up pretty well. We'll just keep you on pain killers for a while, and let things heal them self. Best plan for soft tissues like your throat. We've put you on a liquid diet for a while as well. Swallowing real food would be too damaging. I'm afraid it isn't too tasteful, but its better than starving. Your throat should heal in a month or two."
And right as the nurse finishes her monologue, I'm pulled back into darkness. Almost as if it was timed. My last thought before I am completely gone, is whether her timing was from experience, or a well calculated downers.
"John? Hello John, you're awake." a nurse speaks softly.
"Yes, I...I am." I feel amazed at how much strength those few word required.
"Don't stress yourself. Just relax, I'll adjust your bed so you're upright." the nurse speaks as she presses a button on the bed. "You've slept for about five days, so your muscles may be a bit unresponsive." She smiles as she adjusts the pillow behind my back. "Good news being that you won't have to eat the liquids for as long." She smiles again, in that manner that explains why men fall into love with their nurses. It occurs to me now that this is a different one from the first time. Younger. "I'll go tell the doctor you're awake." and she's off.
My mind begins to work on what happened. I find the thoughts are hard to form, since the experience is very much like a dream. Very unreal. And yet it seemed so real. I find my mind expertily avoiding the memories. The memories are of pain, and pain is to be avoided. I finally give up after determining that someone wanted something. And I didn't want to tell. I cannot seem to remember what I didn't want to say.
When the doctor came in, so do a flood of memories. The painful ones that I was having so much trouble just moments before remembering. "Good, good. You are awake. And recovering nicely too." Here stands the man that was ripping my mind apart what seemed only seconds ago. My anger rises. "This all wouldn't have been necessary if you hadn't screamed your throat to pieces. Well, cannot be helped after the fact. We'll just heal to back to your normal physical condition. Mentally there will be some residue, but it wouldn't be torture if there wasn't now would there?" I so want to yell, to kill. But my body won't let me hurt my throat, and I'm still too drugged up to move. "Its quite amazing really. I did not truly think those engineers could build a device that would replace my old tools. But so much the better this technical wonder is. My patients no longer will die from the side affects."
Technical wonder! I scream at him in my mind. More like technical horror! What the hell kind of device is that that tears apart minds.
My eyes glare into him as he paces the room. "There is still that matter that brought you to us." with a concerned look, he faces me. "We really do need to know what you know." My rage disappears into fear. I now begin to wish that I had died. And I begin to understand why he should like this new tool of torture, his victims won't be taking information to the grave anymore. "We'll have to discuss that again after you have healed. And don't worry about your throat. I'm told that we have a drug that will keep your voice and stop your screams at the same time."
My eyes follow him this time in horror as he walks to the door. And passing through the door into the hall, he states "Is this not a most amazing time we live in?"