I'm tired, and I'm not doing anything. It is a rather frustrating state to be in. Which nicely feeds back in on itself, and tires me more. My thoughts are highly disorganized, and this typically leads me to silence. (Since from disorganized thoughts, comes disorganized speech. Talking in that manor, causes others to question you, rightly since you're not making sense. That questioning is tiring to answer. Therefor, talking to others in this state causes me to dig deeper into this state. ick.) But I feel, at the same time, a need to ramble here a bit. So I am.
Now, while I'm not doing much, I do have much that is happening. Odd how that works itself at times. Sitting still, one becomes more active than if they ran. Life is sputtering in and out of things that need doing and need thinking about. Like moving and travel.
I will be entering the realms of homeowners end of this week. I do not directly feel anything from this. But there are many signs that clearly describe otherwise. Mostly my dislike of moving my things coupled into the fact that I quite clearly need to be moving them. This is clear from the repetitious conversation with others, “Have you started packing yet?”, “No, I haven't really thought much about it.” Over and over. I should, probably, think about it more.
One must understand, while moving bothers me, travel does not. I love going places, mostly empty places. I already have two trips to the Boundary Waters lined up for this summer, plus a trip to the middle of Alaska. I found I quite enjoy going to places that people tend not to go. (Antarctica for example.) This has always made sense to me, why visit a city when you live in one?
I find my tolerance for people waning again. (yes, again. it cycles. actually there are cycles in the cycles.) Partially shown in travel, mostly shown in activity. I have been overly seeking singular activities of late. This doesn't bother me. (it seems to bother others.)
I recently come upon a reference of a book about this. (I don't remember where I read about the book, I was searching for tea.) Party of One: The Loners' Manifesto by Anneli Rufus. Spectacular book, though there are many bits I disagree with. Warm places better for loners than cold? Yes, everyone knows you are at home when its cold, but they cannot visit. When its warm they can always just drop by. There are others, but that is one that sticks to my head. But this is expected since loners, by their nature, are hard to categorize. (except of course that they all tend to fall out of the crowd.)
This book, being in the psychology section, has lead to all sorts of new discoveries. So many interesting books, I hardly know where to go from here. So I grabbed a book on manic-depression, seemed the thing to do. Touched with Fire by Kay Redfield Jamison. Just started working through this one, being filled with the full vocabulary, its a bit slower reading. Nifty though how the author is making ties between manic-depression and artistic skills. Even so, I don't think I'll take this one traveling. I like to relax, and this book is working my brain.
Then within all this, I've got the handful of projects. A strategy game, and some fixes to the under workings of my web site. Both of which have been neglected. (well, to some extent, the web site obviously works without the changes I want. And until I can get some people together to play test the current idea, the game is going nowhere.) So I want to work on those, at which point I realize the sun has fitted itself to bed, and I have not done anything about my move. oi.