The more a fledgling company becomes a real company, the more PC they get. There are some good things about this, but there are also a lot of little things that just down right suck. And without question, the most irritating thing of all, is slowly learning just how low other people's tolerances can really be.

So here is a little bit of fun that is no longer safe for the internal, corporate web site. But this being a personal site, is perfectly fair game.

  1. Someone keeps putting porn in my porn directory!
  2. Cold water makes nuts crunchy.
  3. It's not gay if he sits on both of us.
  4. Kilts: Fighting the war against bluejean bite.
  5. I don't care if my glass is half full or half empty -- I still have beer!
  6. Join the campaign to free mallocs!
  7. I'm the most not nice person I know!
  8. I should have just left my finger in the mousetrap the second time. It hurts a lot more when it hits just your fingernail.
  9. What I want to know is: Why is he throwing girls into fireplaces? Do they taste better cooked?
  10. Drunks + slushies = FUNNY
  11. The good news is, we get to be scum-sucking bottom feeders.
  12. Can you swallow this glass sideways? -- A comment on the user (un)friendlyness of unix
  13. I liked it better when they called it Jurassic Park -- Review of Godzilla
  14. Paperless office? That'll happen about as soon as a paperless toilet.
  15. If it's a choice between traveling back in time and annihilating Jupiter, my vote is for annihilating Jupiter.
  16. I don't say too much? Well, I don't say too much that's usefull
  17. Maybe the slogan for it should be "High Availability Downtime".
  18. Coffee doesn't counteract alcohol; ice cream does.
  19. No matter how bad it gets, there's always something you can do.
  20. Cat's won't drink beer -- I've tried
  21. They don't need anything. They're just workstations.
  22. He's got a machine; there's hardware sitting there unused, er, unusable.
  23. I wouldn't even put my porn on it.
  24. I think we should have used band names for machine names -- I wanted Wang Chung.
  25. It's all fun and games until something lands in the beer.
  26. I learned Java from you. You taught my Java class! Reply: I'd ask for my money back.
  27. What do you mean we, white man?
  28. Is it okay if I sit here and watch you work?
  29. He would like to order a glass of better attitude.
  30. United we stand, divided they catch us one by one.
  31. The beatings will continue until moral improves.
  32. If you fail to prepare, then you have already prepared to fail.
  33. Whip me. Beat me. Make me maintain AIX.
  34. If you can read this, you're too close to your monitor.
  35. What's the point in clothes if nobody's around?
  36. I'm working on the assumption that chicks dig mad scientists
  37. My employer thinks my opinions are crap.
  38. Oh shit! My computer has found Religion!
  39. Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing.
  40. Where am I, and what am I doing in this handbasket?
  41. I'm getting tired of mounting drives all day.
  42. Sometimes it happens. People just explode. Natural causes.
  43. Lord save me from your followers.
  44. I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
  45. Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
  46. This Space Intentionally Left Blank
  47. To be or not to goddamn be, whether it be nobler to take the caca or sling it right back at 'em. That is the question.
  48. So does it work better if I just hold it in there, or should I pull it up and down? - Easter egg dyeing question.
  49. Are you planning on sniffing that?
  50. That was "dew me", not "do me".
  51. It's not God I mind, it's the damn fan club.
  52. Will you hold my meat?
  53. Money couldn't buy friends, but you get a better class of enemy.
  54. I'm not confused, I'm just well mixed.
  55. Hit any user to continue.
  56. Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
  57. If stupidity got us into this mess, why can't it get us out?
  58. Who took the cork out of my lunch?
  59. Just because you have a terrible illness that doesn't give you the right to be such an assbag!
  60. Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.
  61. We rob from the dumb and give to ourselves
  62. We put the "rage" in "storage".
  63. "you slip while trying to mount your pony - you die"
  64. You're a hypocritical bastard with a religious agenda.
  65. AH! Get off my leg! You're Not my type!!!!
  66. I don't want your ideas. They probably have diseases.
  67. Don't sweat the petty things. But do pet the sweaty things.
  68. I have more important chores, like formatting and defragging my floppies.
  69. Ack! I almost ate the water weenie instead of my eggroll!
  70. Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
  71. Always trust content from microsoft corporation
  72. I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you
  73. We are all software. Even worse, we're all freeware with no warranty, no manual, and an interface that even God has a hard time using.
  74. Pray that god doesn't decide to quit his job or get fired.
  75. Sure, beauty has the power to excite men. But then so does a box of donuts.
  76. I'm not saying there should be capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
  77. You can safely assume you've created God in your own image when it turns out he hates all the same people that you do.
  78. If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning
  79. My life has a suberb cast but I can't figure out the plot.
  80. Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
  81. Black holes are where God is dividing by zero.
  82. And God said, "NO, WAIT, DON'T TOUCH THA..." Big Bang
  83. I have a grip on reality, just not this particular one.
  84. Eat the rich. The poor are tough and stringy.
  85. There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
  86. System error - press F13 to continue.
  87. Boldly going forward because we can't find reverse.
  88. "There are three principal ways to lose money: wine, women, and engineers. While the first two are more pleasant, the third is by far the more certain." -- Baron Rothschild, ca. 1800
  89. A lot of warm vulgarity is incomparably preferable to a little bit of pinched niceness.
  90. I am not sure where the root file system is
  91. The great question... which I have not been able to answer despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is feminine soul, is - Sigmund Frued
  92. Programming is like sex... make one mistake, and support it the rest of your life.
  93. Our products just aren't engineered for security.
  94. Which, as far as I'm concerned, is about as welcome as a Microsoft licensing amendment.
  95. Somewhere, in the back reaches of my mind, a single piece of straw turns a camel into a paraplegic...
  96. Humans are the only asynchronous computers capable of being mass produced by unskilled labor.
  97. If you say something I don't like, I'll wet myself.
  98. Some of us think it's 50-50 and some of us think, you know, it could go one way or the other.
  99. I'm still wearing shorts with my back door wide open.
  100. "The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against whacking them around a bit."
  101. Being about to be laid off is one thing. But messing with my ability to ignore my own life and live vicariously though a crappy TV show is just plain crossing the line.
  102. I can't believe Aragorn went crazy and killed Gandalf again! --said loudly in front of a crowd of people waiting to get in to The Two Towers
  103. I am the curly brace fairy.
  104. Just because he's tall doesn't mean his square isn't in the same place.
  105. What exactly is an incendiary device? A disk drive that walks around saying "Your mother smelt of elderberries"?
  106. Oh foul deamon of the nethermail, we have summoned thee to invoke thy wrath on our filesystem that we may prove it's worth through trial by fire
  107. If you suck on this, it will taste better.
  108. Everyone needs something inflateable.
  109. Hey, I looked halfway good in my dress -- the other guy just looked terrible. The old guy on the bus didn't grab his ass.
  110. Trying to fix a filesystem while data is changing is generally not a good idea.
  111. I haven't been wearing pants all day and I feel great!
  112. "filesystem 1 is blue and that's fine, but fileysystem 2 should really be a different color"
  113. We put the F U in "fun"!
  114. My incision tickles.
  115. We're engineers, and when you're an engineer, you really want to know your tool.
  116. I trust you'd rather have 1 king size bed than 2 double beds? Same price
  117. Iowa is like South Dakota, but with large fields of porn.